In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy
On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!
At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
In downtown Boston: Calahan Tunnel -- No end
In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.
On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
On the grounds of a public school: No tresspassing without permission.
On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.